I asked my mother what had happened and she said she’d heard that kids were choking or getting eye injuries from spring-loaded toys. So, for my safety, she took them out.
“Ralph Nader told me to,” she said. Ralph Nader told me to. I’ve never forgotten that. I realize, now, that it’s technically not true. Ralph didn’t write that press release. He didn’t call my mother. But, it’s there, immovable. Stuck. Burned in to my brain. As far as I’m concerned, Ralph Nader forced my mother to deactivate my Micronauts, and I can’t get over it.
We lost our Lawn Jarts a few years later.
Again, Ralph Nader told me to. Whenever fun was ruined, Ralph Nader was there.
Ralph Nader was always fucking with my play value, and he never sent a Hot Wheels car to make up for it.
Screw you, Ralph. You ruined my childhood and I’ll never vote for you.
was out driving and remembered this old piece, out of nowhere, for some reason.